Some Things Never Change

Frye Measure Mill, NH

I got a laptop a few months ago to replace my old, sluggish desktop and give me freedom to write wherever I liked.  When I first transferred files to the new computer, I purged redundant photos.  Now, I am going through some of the documents.

This morning, I came across some journal writings.  While I prefer hand-writing them, there are times when my book isn't with me and I resort to computer entries.  One file, 105 pages long, was from 1993 when I still had Creative NeedleArts and would write at work after everyone left.  It was password protected and I had a moment of panic - that was nineteen years ago!  I had a universal password then and I tried it - I'm in.

Some things apparently don't change. My laments are pretty much the same.  That doesn't mean I haven't moved forward.  It just means that my creative concerns have a fallback reason for being.  Time and a plethora of ideas.

I constantly have ideas crowding my brain about other things to design and get into.... I am driven (but why?) to create new ideas; I'm just frustrated by the restrictions of time.  I keep pushing the parameters of time. 

I can guarantee that I have sung this song many times over the years.  My interests are expansive; my ideas for paintings, writing and needlework are like a fountain which never turns off.  I read voraciously.  I have messy closets.  I desperately need to have a yard sale.  My art supplies are ordered, though, so my priorities are straight in one respect.  

It occurs to me that a creative mind can be one's bane of existence as well as its blessing.  

Have I finally reached the point in my life when I accept the activity in my head, knowing I cannot act on all of it?  Writing down notes and ideas keeps them from disappearing in the crowd.  I can get them back to the top of the pile anytime I want.  

Relishing my varied interests is delectable.  Worrying over the lack of time to explore them all isn't.  Today I immerse myself in the ones on the top of my pile.

Profound Inspiration

It is impossible to anticipate when inspiration will strike and a resounding a-ha will escape to echo around my realm.  The reverberations flow like the tide catching facets of other elements buried deep in my mind. 

I suppose no one thing can be that impetus but rather a chain of influences and circumstances sets one up for change.  Mine has been a desire to simplify and stop the rattling in my brain from a thousand things to do so that I can enjoy the here and now.  I have not consciously gone in search of remedies but they have come to me nonetheless.  At this stage of my life when sixty is on the not-to-distant horizon, I find myself looking inward for joy and contentment.  I also find that there are many external things which hamper that desire.

I know it began at Patrick's house in southern France.  A serenity pervades the place and the four of us were content to revel in its pleasures rather than scurry all around the countryside following a tour book's recommendations.  Writing in my journal (as did Kathy and Marty) was a contemplation born of the aura around us and the uniqueness of the experience of being in this particular place at this particular time.  None of us walked away unchanged.

When Karen lent me 'Choosing Simpicity' by Linda Breen Pierce a few weeks ago, I had no idea that it would show me through others the complexities in my life which were making it impossible to feel content.  I see my heart's desire and there will be much pleasure in the quest.

Her book is a result of the simplicity study she conducted by interviewing people who had simplified their lives.  From all walks of life, with many methods of simplifying and diverse impressions of their past and present lives, I saw so clearly how I waste my energy and what I could do to make this latter stage of my life into a more enriching one.

Just as I rowed my first canoe toward open water this summer, mastered its balance, even in rough currents, and shouldered its weight on dry land, I am excited to find my joy and contentment in simplicity.